Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
