im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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