she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
