I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
