So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
