He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
