allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
