Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
