do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
