it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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