I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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