I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
