my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
