we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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