watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
