Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
