Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
