he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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