Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
