I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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