You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
