I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
