I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
