you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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