I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
