so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
