Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
