it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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