I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
