sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
