she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
