i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
