i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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