Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
