I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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