My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
