it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
