Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
