How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
