I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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