Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
