My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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