hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
