and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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