If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
