I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
