this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
