i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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