I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
