We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
