pedialite and red bull = repair kit
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
