He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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