bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
