I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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