Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
